color+movement+spin

i feel like fucking shit. no getting around it. no analogies. I. Feel. Like. Shit. i have been stepped on. i had a boy who fucking shook with tears over another girl while i held him. and he said i was beautiful and she was terrible. and we had two years of us. two years of sneaking out my window and getting high and kissing and going to parties and sleeping all day and making dinner and drinking tea and making music and drinking at belle's and driving all the way to boston for shows and exhibits and amazing sex. and now she's back. and she took him. and he let her. and he left me. and he lied. and i have this picture of us and he's holding me up and im wearing his shirt and it was the last time i saw him and he swore it'd be fine. and he still hits on my friends and calls me at two am. but he's with her. and fuck does she hate me. and i hate him and i hate her. and i hate that everyone who sees me in a fucking day knows that i'm about to collapse in defeat and stupid sobs.

i've been up for three days. i've been taking pictures. i've been lying.
i started a screenplay for my movie. i drew jezebel. jon had his hands around my throat.

me + ros. no explanation.

what happened to all the good-natured drunks and jolly ole stoners? what happened to the drink-to-get-drunks that slobbered on your face and told you they were "very artistic" even though they played lacrosse and jacked off to the generic pamela video. i sold pot to my old gym coach a few weeks ago.

love
dana

( SHE BURIED HERSELF IN THE AIR )

"THEY SAY HIS TEETH ARE WOOD AND THEY WANT PICTURES OF HIM.
THE RAIN HITS THE GROUND AND THE TREES THEY DRY IT UP.
MY CHAIN HITS THE WOOD AND THE WOOD IT TURNS TO DUST.
I PICTURE YOU AS IF YOU WERE A PINE.
SWALLOWS DROP IN AND DASH THE SKY,
TRACING LINES OF CURSIVE ON THE HORIZON.
CUTTING CAT FACES IN THE PINES.
MARK THE PATH BACK TO THE POINT OF DEPARTURE.
TWO BY TWO AND FOUR BY FOUR THE PINES THE LAY DOWN
AND I LAY DOWN WITH THE SOUTHERN RANGE."

"WE USED TO CORRUPT EACH OTHER WITH ART AND COFFEE AND LATE NIGHT TALKS ABOUT LACK OF NOISE IN THE AREA. WE ALWAYS HAD GRAND SCHEMES BUT THE AREA JUST WASN'T READY. AND THEN THERE'S ED. I NEVER REALLY KNEW ED TOO WELL, BUT I KNEW HE COULD CRAFT A STORY OUT OF A MATH EQUATION."

i can't guarantee you i'm telling the truth. sorry. my perspective is thrown. like how you'd see things if your angry lover had his boots on your chest and it's all out of proportion and unattractive and new. {back arched, teeth clenched, nose running} so forgive traces of hysteria, exaggerration, and my tendency to seem unshakingly biased. they're pulling my hair. i'm in a dirty bar in tijuana. i am a spy with false eyelashes and a purse full of coke. i will probably lie to you. no, i will most certainly lie.

love
dana